Newtown – 2X

After the Newtown shooting, the residents of Newtown — enlightened through tragedy — have become a monolithic, pro-more-gun-control entity, collectively placing their guns (those awful, murderous weapons) into a giant bonfire. Peace henceforth ensued in Newtown, in perpetuity.

Oops, actually, CNN has discovered that Newtown is set to issue double the amount of pistol permits this year as it did in 2012.

Harlow spoke to one Newtown grandmother named Nancy Ellis, who was about to purchase her first gun. “Our rights are being slowly infringed upon,” Ellis told CNN. “In other words, there may come a time when I may never be able to get a firearm.”

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