Occasionally, The New Yorker is good for something. There are some creepy and bizarre digs in some of the imagined tweets, but among the actual funny imagined tweets in “Trump Tweets the Classics” are:
@realDonaldTrump
Weak Hamlet should stop moaning about past and get on with his life. All talk, no action! King Claudius has my full support.
@realDonaldTrump
Tremendously fat honey thief Winnie-the-Pooh deserves to get stuck in Rabbit’s hole. Not crying for him, believe me, or low-energy Eeyore.
@realDonaldTrump
Successful businessmen should be left alone by boring ghosts and sad employees. Bob Cratchit is a loser. No enthusiasm! Also . . .
@realDonaldTrump
Tiny Tim is a lazy con who manipulates media with whining. He should save “blessings” for himself. Pathetic!
@realDonaldTrump
Deport Don Quixote with fat idiot Sancho Panza. We have enough problems without terrorists attacking energy plants.
@realDonaldTrump
Know from much experience Eastern European women are the most faithful in the world. Cheating Anna Karenina makes me sick!
@realDonaldTrump
Anyone who thinks a good relationship with Mordor is a bad thing is stupid. And crooked Frodo should return ring to rightful owner.
@realDonaldTrump
Very Little Jack Horner’s biggest accomplishment: putting in thumb, pulling out plum. Sad!
